Hannah Biggs trains Torri on self-carriage TRAILER

What a great clip from Hannah Biggs reinforcing what I just learned at my clinic. I'm not out there to ride a pretty canter around a ring- get what you want and get it done!

It doesn't have to be right right now

Where are my friends?

Wow. My body aches and my brain is fried. What a roller coaster weekend of riding. I went from "maybe I'll feel better if I cry in the car for a minute" on the first day to "He's not hanging on my hands!!! I'm sitting up straight and my horse is moving under me and we might actually be doing this!!" on the third day.

The first day it felt like I was holding 2 thirty pound weights out in front of me. My position looked like 5th place in children's hunters. My body kept telling my brain "you can't do this, you're not strong enough, you're not good enough, you'll never be able to ride this horse" which was maybe not the most confidence building thing to be going through my head at the time. I got done with my first ride and felt like I just hadn't done anything of quality while in the saddle. I watched the video of my ride which just confirmed everything I was thinking while riding, it just wasn't very good. I kept thinking he's heavy and fast and I have no control and you want me to do more of that??

Luckily I had a whole afternoon of riders to watch while I pondered my less than stellar ride. I watched amazing riders sit up straight on their horses, kick their horses on when they were misbehaving, and half halt with their hips in front of the shoulders- not keeled over like drunk sailors. I watched people go for it when it was hard, ride through crap their horses threw at them and never give up the battle. And through it all Brad kept asking for more. More straightness, more suppleness, more bend, more forward, more acceptance of the aids. He made riders ask the right question then wait for the right answer, never accepting less.

The second day I decided I have to believe I can do this because if I don't believe it why would my horse believe me. And I know he can do it, and I have to help him because he won't find it on his own. I have to help him find the connection to the bridle, I have to show him the way. And I can't do it if I'm flopping around in the saddle or moving my hands around like a pair of wiggly handrails on a steep set of stairs. I need to be the steady partner for my horse to help him find his balance.

The third day I finished the job. I didn't just bounce my horse off the rein and accept that as lightness. Brad kept telling me the lightness has to be honest, it has to be from a place of integrity, not a quick fix. That's a fake result and won't help the problem in the long run. With Brad's encouragement- and the cheers of everyone on the sidelines- I went for it and got in there and finished the job. I asked for the result I wanted and held Kelso to it until I got what I wanted. And lo and behold, for the first time we had several moments of true connection and lightness. As Brad says "Don't keep giving the same correction, fix the problem." Yes we looked totally out of control, yes I thought I was going to fall off, yes the people at the end of the arena thought I was going to crash into them. Yes I was yelling "bend and send!" as I careened through the 20m circle. But I got my horse to move in front of my leg. That's the difference between riding and training. Training isn't always pretty, training can look ugly and it can be scary... but it will make your riding better.

It was so inspiring to be in that environment for the weekend. I'm so motivated to ride well and go for it every time, just what I needed going into the spring season. I owe a huge thank you to the Warners for hosting the clinic, to Jenny for chauffeuring my horse, and to Brad Cutshall for being there and being so patient and encouraging.

Can't wait to get back in the saddle!

First Clinic With Kelso!

This afternoon I'm packing up to go to Otter Creek Farm for a dressage clinic with Brad Cutshall. It's mine and Kelso's first big adventure together. I'm excited but nervous that I'll forget something, won't have something I'm supposed to have, look crazy..... etc. It feels like a first big step on my quest to become A Real Horseperson- not just someone who can stay on the back of a horse over a couple jumps and make it through walk, trot, and canter. I'm sure years from now, when I have my well worn and much edited laminated checklists and my bins full of prepacked show gear I'll have forgotten this feeling (or will look back and laugh at my many mistakes!) but for now it's a really fun mix of excitement and anxiety!

Wish me luck... I'm sure I'll have a sore body, a tired horse and lots to report!